PRESENTS
A CRIMEWATCH SPECIAL
THE STRANGE CASE OF DEL DETTMAR'S DISAPPEARANCE
STUDY IF YOU WILL THE TWO PICTURES ABOVE. I THINK THAT MOST OF YOU WILL AGREE THAT THESE TWO SHOTS COME FROM THE SAME PHOTO SHOOT. LOOK AT THE EVIDENCE. WHILST ADMITTEDLY BACK IN THE 70'S HAWKWIND WERE NOT, SHALL WE SAY THE "SMARTEST" OF BANDS, WE FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THAT THEY WOULD ALL TURN UP N TWO SEPARATE OCCASIONS IN EXACTLY THE SAME CLOBBER. SO HOW THEN DO WE EXPLAIN THAT IN THE PICTURE ON THE LEFT WE CAN CLEARLY SEE SIX, COUNT EM SIX HAWKS WHILST ON THE RIGHT HAND SHOT THERE IS ONLY FIVE AND WHAT APPEARS TO BE A "PILE OF CRAP" AND TWO TELEPHONES(!) ON THE FLOOR.
AT THE MUSEUM WE'VE COMMISSIONED TOP PRIVATE INVESTIGATORS "YOUR NIK'ED" TO LOOK AT THE POSSIBLE CAUSES FOR "LITTLE DEL'S" DISAPPEARANCE AND HERE ARE THE INITIAL FINDINGS -
OUR INITIAL FINDINGS LEAD US TO BELIEVE THAT THERE IS SOME SORT OF FOUL PLAY INVOLVED HERE BUT AT THIS TIME WE CAN COME TO NO POSITIVE CONCLUSIONS. IT'S OUR BELIEF AT THIS TIME HOWEVER THAT THE THREE "IN THE FRAME" SO TO SPEAK, ARE THOSE LIKELY LADS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PICTURE ON THE RIGHT HAND SIDE OF YOUR SCREEN AS YOU LOOK AT IT.
FIRST OF THESE SUSPECT IS ONE DAVID BROCK ESQ. IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE HE LOOKS A TAD NERVOUS. HE CAN'T BRING HIMSELF TO LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA LENS WHICH IS OFTEN A DEAD GIVE-AWAY IN THESE CASES. NEXT UP, ONE IAN "LEMMY" KILMISTER. WHILST LOOKING SOMEWHAT CALMER AND CONFIDENT THAN HIS COLLEAGUE MR BROCK, THE WAY HE'S HOLDING THAT OPEN CAN OF CHEAP LAGER IS SAYING TO US "THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE, RIGHT (COUGH SPLUTTER) IF YOU BUGGERS DON'T BACK OFF AND LEAVE US TO CLEAR THE REMAINS, S**T I MEAN MESS UP, I'M GOING TO SHAKE THIS CAN UP AND SPRAY IT ALL OVER THE LOT OF YA (COUGH, SPLUTTER). FINALLY IN OUR LIST OF SUSPECTS WE HAVE ONE NIK "THE HAT" TURNER. OUR INVESTIGATIONS LEAD US TO BELIEVE THAT HE IS ATTEMPTING TO SAY VIAhHAND GESTURES THAT "IT WASN'T ME GOV HONEST, TELL YOU WHAT I'M GOING TO THROW MY ARMS UP AS A SHOW OF MY INNOCENCE BUT AT THE SAME TIME I'LL POINT OUT THE GUILTY PARTY BY PLACING THE PALM OF MY HAND OVER THEIR HEAD!(STRANGE IS IT NOT THEN WHEN MR DETTMAR APPEARS BACK ON THE SCENE HE SHOULD HOOK UP WITH SPACERITUAL.NET)
SO WHAT REALLY HAPPENED? WELL APART FROM THE "SPONTANEOUS HUMAN COMBUSTION" GAG, I MEAN THEORY THAT HAS BEEN BLOWN OUT OF THE WATER SINCE DEL HAS ONCE MORE DECIDED TO GRACE US WITH HIS PRESCIENCE. INSTEAD WE BELIEVE THAT DAVE INFACT HAD DEL KIDNAPPED AND THEN SOLD HIM TO THE PROG ROCK BAND GENESIS UNDER THE ASSUMED NAME OF PHILCOLLINS. LOOK AT THE STRIKING RESEMBLANCE IN THE PHOTOS BELOW (WELL ALRIGHT APART FROM THE FACT DEL HAS CONSIDERABLY LESS "ON TOP", BUT LOOK AT MR COLLINS NOW!)
THINGS WERE FINE WHEN GENESIS WERE A CRUSTY OLD PROG BAND, TROUBLE STARTED WHEN THEY WANTED TO BECOME MORE MAINSTREAM AND BEGAN TO HAVE HITS WITH BLAND POP TUNES, DEL WAS ALLEGEDLY OUSTED ONLY TO BE REPLACED BY THIS TOSSER BELOW -
THIS IS OF COURSE ALL HEARSAY AND SUPPOSITION, WE ARE NOT SAYING FOR ONE MOMENT THAT THERE IS AN OUNCE OF TRUTH IN ANY OF THIS, BUT THEN AGAIN.......